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I'm guilty.

More guilty than I've ever been.

 

Adultery

Ok, maybe not actual sex, 

Yet adultery in the mind is still adultery.

 

I waited.

Waited a long time to seek absolution.

 

I wasn't sorry,

Sorry for the joyous rapture he brought to my soul?

No.  I'm sad to say I wasn't.

But I knew I would be.

 

Then I couldn't face it.

Face myself, face God, whose condemnation 

I should feel, but don't.

 

I drive to the Church first.

The Church is just ahead, 

but I turn off onto another side street.

 

Avoidance.

I know I'm avoiding the inevitable,

so I force myself to go back 

in the direction of the Church.

 

But a voice is beckoning - 

"Raven - just go home."

Why would He say that?

He knows I'm guilty.

 

I've arrived.

Upon my arrival I make myself

get out of the car.

The Universe itself is preparing

to fall on me and kill me for my guilt.

 

Yet the voice . . . . 

I hear the voice say - 

"Janet, just go home."

Why does this voice speak against the 

judgement of the Universe?

It's correct.

I'm guilty.

 

I've pulled myself to the door.

The door of the confessional.

The way to absolution.

My path to reconcilliation

with the Universe.

 

What's this?

This sign on the door.

It says "At the Ducks Game.  Be back at 4:30."

 

I'm frozen.

Why would I think my stupidity would be

anything the Universe would worry about?

No-one cares.

Absolution is nothing in importance when compared

to a football game.

What an idiot I am.

 

Perhaps the voice kept telling me to go home

because there's nothing here for me.

 

In any case, I laugh.

I laugh and I hereby absolve myself.